it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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