i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
