Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
