So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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