so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
