I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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