you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
