Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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