I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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