My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
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The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
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He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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