we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
