I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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