My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
did you just send me my own nude
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
