Best friends brother. Beat that.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
