I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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