Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
