wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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