he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
