I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
