You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I believe in your delicious
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
