i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
