Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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