i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
