I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
