she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
