I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
