So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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