You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
