The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
