So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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