I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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