We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
