so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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