what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
