im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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