does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
