I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
