Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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