I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
