I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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