apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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