Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
