and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
