Your dad touched me again.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
