Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
