My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
