so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
