hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
