I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
