You're completely useless in the revolution.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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