one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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