Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
