His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I cut my penus on the lid.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Randomize
