THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
