I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
