You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
