walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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