Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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