So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
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