once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
