I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The uberlube is also flammable
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
