I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
