A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
