Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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