11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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