a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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