at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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