I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
