Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
