Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
