Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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