Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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